


Leave Out All The Rest

by TsarinaTorment



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-26
Updated: 2013-11-26
Packaged: 2019-07-06 02:18:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15876441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsarinaTorment/pseuds/TsarinaTorment
Summary: Lavi's worried about moving on.((Transferring my old fics over from FFN))





	Leave Out All The Rest

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own D.Gray-Man

There was no-one around.  The Black Order was in the distant horizon behind me as I walked away.  No-one knew who I was – I no longer knew who I was – and I could see people turn away from my existence.  I no longer existed.  Well, in a way that was true.  But there was one person.  One person running around, calling for me.  No.  Calling for who I had been.  No-one would help you look, though.  You were desperate, screaming for me.  But no-one else cared.  As far as they were concerned – as far as _I_ was concerned, I no longer existed.

 

**_I dreamed I was missing_ **

**_You were so scared_ **

**_But no one would listen_ **

**_'Cause no one else cared_ **

 

The dream ended and I sat up, shaking.  I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I would have to one day.  I couldn’t live here forever.  One day my task would be done and I’d have to move on, find somewhere else to stay for a while, find someone else to get attached to, just to tear myself away.  A repetitive cycle indeed.  But one I had gone through before.  This time it was different though.  This time you were here.  You and the others.  I didn’t want to let you in, but you persisted and I failed.  And one day I’ll have to pay the price.

 

**_After my dreaming_ **

**_I woke with this fear_ **

**_What am I leaving_ **

**_When I'm done here?_ **

You know it’ll happen, I think.  You know that I can never settle.  But I did, here.  I settled and those forbidden attachments grew.  I wasn’t supposed to.  I was supposed to just wear a mask, to pretend and fake my way through everything.  But you and the others wouldn’t let me.  Forgive me for this.  Forgive me for causing you inevitable pain when our parting comes.  And please, remember me?  Remember this version of me, anyway.  The one you knew.  Let him keep living, let him keep you company, because one day I won’t be able to.

**_So if you're asking me_ **

**_I want you to know_ **

****

**_When my time comes_ **

**_Forget the wrong that I've done_ **

**_Help me leave behind some_ **

**_Reasons to be missed_ **

**_And don't resent me_ **

**_And when you're feeling empty_ **

**_Keep me in your memory_ **

**_Leave out all the rest_ **

**_Leave out all the rest_ **

This was a mistake.  We all know it.  I’ve been punished; Dreams saw to that.  I laugh and muck around and try to keep a smile on your faces.  But I’m not smiling.  Not on the inside.  I’ve not yet learnt how to kill my emotions.  Not yet learnt to be the perfect person. But then again, who is perfect?  You, with your bright smile and determination to get everyone through the day?  No, you’re broken inside, still.  I know it, and you know it.

**_Don't be afraid_ **

**_I've taken my beating_ **

**_I've shared what I've made_ **

**_I'm strong on the surface_ **

**_Not all the way through_ **

**_I've never been perfect_ **

**_But neither have you_ **

There should be nothing to break, for me.  No emotions.  No friendships.  No family.  But I’ve still got them all and one day they will kill me.  And again and again.  Maybe one day I’ll learn my lesson.  But not yet.  49 times I’ve failed, so far.  49 wars and they all broke me.  Maybe when there’s nothing left to break then I’ll survive.  I’ll be perfect.  But please, help me retain some humanity.  Even if it’s only in what you remember of me.  So please, remember the ‘good’ things about me, if there are any to remember.  If you don’t hate me for shattering your world when I leave.

**_So if you're asking me_ **

**_I want you to know_ **

****

**_When my time comes_ **

**_Forget the wrong that I've done_ **

**_Help me leave behind some_ **

**_Reasons to be missed_ **

**_Don't resent me_ **

**_And when you're feeling empty_ **

**_Keep me in your memory_ **

**_Leave out all the rest_ **

**_Leave out all the rest_ **

You’re so strong.  Broken inside, but you hide it.  If I wasn’t ‘me’ then I would never have known.  Never have known the horrors in your past.  You know I’m hurting, too.  Deep inside, where no-one else can see.  But you know.  Your love for us all means that you can see whenever anyone is hurting because you want so hard to heal us.  But my wounds cannot be healed.  Only when I’m broken will they be healed, but then I won’t be the me you knew.

**_Forgetting all the hurt inside_ **

**_You've learned to hide so well_ **

**_Pretending someone else can come_ **

**_And save me from myself_ **

**_I can't be who you are_ **

But you know this, don’t you?  You know that one day I will change.  That one day I won’t be ‘me’.  Not even under all the masks.  There will be nothing under the masks, one day.  Just infinite masks.  But you’ll try and save me, even so, won’t you?  You’ll try, because you can’t bear to see people with nothing but masks.  The only way to stop that is to keep the ‘real’ me in your memory.  The ‘real’ me will then never die, because you’ll never let him.  But it’s up to you.  You may well hate me for leaving, and if you do then I’ll never be seen again.  If you only remember our parting, the memory will be tainted; just another mask.  So please, grant me this selfish wish.  Don’t let me die.

**_When my time comes_ **

**_Forget the wrong that I've done_ **

**_Help me leave behind some_ **

**_Reasons to be missed_ **

**_Don't resent me_ **

**_And when you're feeling empty_ **

**_Keep me in your memory_ **

**_Leave out all the rest_ **

**_Leave out all the rest_ **

You’re strong.  If you want to, you’ll keep ‘me’ forever.  But what if I do you wrong?  What if we part on bad terms?  If you hate me so much you cannot bear to remember the good times?  You’ll forget me then, the ‘me’ behind the masks.  But you won’t.  Because you’re too kind, too forgiving.  And that is true strength.  I’ll never be that strong.  Never be able to face the worst and still love my world.  Because you’re better than I will ever be.

**_Forgetting all the hurt inside_ **

**_You've learned to hide so well_ **

**_Pretending someone else can come_ **

**_And save me from myself_ **

**_I can't be who you are_ **

**_I can't be who you are_ **

 

_“Hey, Lenalee.”_

_“What is it Lavi?”_

_“Will you miss me when ‘I’ die?  When ‘Lavi’ becomes no more than a memory?”_

_“Of course I will.”_

**Author's Note:**

> The song is _Leave Out All The Rest_ by Linkin Park


End file.
